Death

So the trip to Seoul ended very sadly...

Jin's grandfather died. Later that week he invited me to the funeral.

I was supposed to dress up more... but I didn't realize and wore black with jeans. But apparently it was forgiven because I'm a waegook (foreigner). I bought some white chrysanthemums for the funeral because in Eurpoe and Asian countries, that is the flower that symbolizes death. Which takes me a second to get used to because in America chrysanthemums symbolize happiness and Mother's Day...

So they don't have funeral parlors here. They have a special wing of the hospital where they host the wake. The family stays up for 3 days and doesn't sleep (or tries really hard not to). They stay in the receiving room with the coffin, and the food on the alter to provided to sustain the spirit. The son and the grandson wear special black coats with yellow bands on the arms to symbolize that they are the immediate family of the one who died. The women wear black traditional Korean garments.

Whenever anyone comes in, they sign into the guest book, writing their name vertically in huge letters like you would if you were writing Chinese. Then you take off your shoes and go into the recieving room where the spirit and the family are residing for 3 days. Koreans bow and pray to their ancestors for the person who has passed away--but since I'm a Christian, Jin said it would be ok if I just prayed to God for his grandfather. Then you turn to the family, get down on your knees, and do a traditional bow with your forhead on your hands and your hands to the floor. The family does this back to you as thanks and respect.

It's very formal, yet personal. It's like you're interacting with the family and sharing their grief for that moment together.

Then you go into the dining room, which is a fairly large room with tables set up in the traditional floor style. You eat little side dishes, drink and talk. It's a little hall that the family rents out which is connected to where the family is staying. I wanted to take pictures... but I'm sure it would have been less than appropriate to be sure.

Family members that can't make it send these HUGE displays of flowers with their condolences written in Chinese (which is more formal since it was the language of Kings). When I say huge... I mean huge. They were taller than me. They are like those advertizement signs you see people holding for a huge sale going on at the store down the street. But they were so beautiful. Mostly white, with dashes of color and lillies. I thought that was interesting because lillies symbolize life... and I saw life among all the death.

I enjoyed meeting Jin's family... but I wish it could have been under better circumstances. I felt very honored to be included in such an intimate Korean family tradition. But I do hope I don't have to go to another one again. Death is a sad thing to be sure.